My Top 150 Songs of the 2000s - Bonus Blog: The 10 Worst Songs of 2000s

Good evening fellow bloggers, I hope you are enjoying my list of the 150 best songs of the decade that was the 2000s. We have only 20 more songs left on the list, but I thought I would be generous and write a bonus blog before releasing the last part of my series next week. With every great thing there is sometimes the complete opposite: an inconceivable mess of epic proportions. Something so purile and horrid that you wished you cut out your eyes and cut off your ears for seeing and listening to it. Before I let you all ascend into musical heaven, I will be taking you all on a trip to musical hell. Luckily I will only list ten and not 150 of the worst songs of last decade. For those who wish to close this window at this point, please proceed, but for those with the guts to get started, may the gods have mercy on your souls......let's begin.

The 10 Worst Songs of the 2000s

10. Simple Plan - Welcome To My Life (2005)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0U0AlLVqpk&ob=av2n: The band that started the emo movement, and the band that fuelled the short lived Myspace craze of the mid 2000s. These Canadians have placed themselves in the same echelon of other terrible Canadian musicians, including Celine Dion, Justin Bieber and Nickelback, and the whining why me vocals will make you wanna throw yourself out of a window. There is one thing to say about the single and SP's career overall: welcome to my bin.

9. Ke$ha - Tik Tok (2009)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iP6XpLQM2Cs&ob=av2n: In the case of Britney Spears' Toxic and anything from Robyn, pop music in the 2000s can really work with well thought out production values and melodies. In the case of this pop robot monkey, the rules of making decent pop are thrown out entirely. This has to be one of the most overproduced, nonsensical pieces of shit you could ever subject your audiotry canals to. The awful Auto Tuned pop-rapping and dumb lyrics really top off this 3 or 4 minute shitfest.

8. Ricky Martin - She Bangs (2000)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ihtX86JzmA&ob=av2e: Latino listeners and middle aged and elderly people were in joyous raptures when this cheesy latin dance hit landed on our shores. For normal people with musical knowledge outside of Fox FM, we collectively blew chunks out of our mouths while our beloved relatives would play this heaping pile of cow dung ad nauseum for months after its release. Looks like I will be crossing Puerto Rico off my list of places I want to travel to.

7. Holly Valance - Kiss Kiss (2001)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rCDOVzWDts&feature=fvst: If this single proves anything, it shows all you need to launch a short lived musical career within the confines of your home country. If you can act in a local soap opera then you have a record deal. This style of dance pop has been done to death, and we all know it is not Valance singing those awful vocals and constantly mwah mwah mwahing, rather it is the machines in the recording studio doing this. Besides Kylie Minogue, there has not been one decent singer to come out of Summer Bay or Ramsay Street *puts up flame shield to protect himself from Delta Goodrem lackies*.

6. Black Eyed Peas - My Humps (2005)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEe_eraFWWs&ob=av2n: Yes Fergie we understand......you're bragging about your lady lumps, or humps, or bumps or whatever the fuck you want to call them. How The Black Eyed Peas went from being a promising underground hip hip outfit to a pop rap driven laughing stock is beyond me, and Fergie's inception into the group has done nothing but detriment to music in general. I am embarrassed to even listen to this while I am writing this entry.

5. Crazy Frog - Axel F (2005)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k85mRPqvMbE&ob=av2e: Everyone who lived through the 2000s remembers when before the iPhone changed the way that ringtones would be added to phones, morons would stay up late at night and pay $50000000 for a 3 second ringtone. Such bastardry resulted in the conception of this disgrace of a novelty cartoon character with no pants. What is worse than releasing an awful ringtone, why releasing a single cramming your head with the constant 'ring a ding ding ding' to the sampling of the Beverly Hills Cop theme song of the same name of course. Thank goodness that these ringtone companies are out of business.

4. James Blunt - You're Beautiful (2005)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oofSnsGkops&ob=av2e : In hindsight, I could have added any of this former army sergeant's god foresakenly terrible songs on this list, but Blunt's corny lead single off his equally corny album, Back To Bedlam, has the honour of making it. Blunt sounds like that he swallowed a balloon full of helium before singing, and the tired themes of love lost and what could have been will make you smack your head against your desk. Don't say I did not warn you.......

3. Soulja Boi - Crank That (Soulja Boi) (2006)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UFIYGkROII&ob=av2e: I heard a rumour that rappers like Ice Cube thought he was a piece of shit stain on the concept of hip hop. No one could disagree with this after hearing this disgraceful rap 'song'. I don't even understand what he is saying, I don't understand why this guy hasn't been popped by other rappers, and I don't know why this was allowed to leave the recording studio and go and get sold to poor teenagers and kids. This is the worst hip hop song of all time, hands down.

2. Nickelback - How You Remind Me (2001)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cQh1ccqu8M&ob=av2n : Now some of you may be thinking that I am being harsh by focusing on hip hop and pop in this list, but not every genre is pure and enjoyable to listen to entirely. Even rock music has a turd in the river of gold. Nickelback have the dubious honour of featuring a song in my Top 150 (Figured You Out) and a song in the Top 10 with this repetitive three chord dross stinker. Chad Kroeger sounds like he forgot to take his Strepsils for his sore throat, and the band's forced machoness is so goofy it's laughable. Kroeger exclaims in the chorus 'are we havin' fun yet?' and my answer is.....HELL NO!

I would like to apologise and congratulate you all for making it through most of the list. But before we get to number one, here are some honourable mentions of crap songs released in the last decade to remind you all of why music has to have the stench of the Yang with the goodness of the Ying:

Creed - With Arms Wide Open (2000) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99j0zLuNhi8&ob=av2e
50 Cent - Candy Shop (2005) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRcnnId15BA&ob=av2e
Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl (2008) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bo-A_eCzZXY
Hinder - Lips Of An Angel (2006) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiSfTyrvJlg&ob=av3e
Fast Food Rockers - Fast Food Song (2003) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3dPXxPGbmM&feature=fvst
Akon - Lonely (2005) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EEW-9NDM5k&ob=av2e
Baha Men - Who Let The Dogs Out? (2000) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He82NBjJqf8
Eminem - Just Lose It (2004) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dcVOmEQzKA&ob=av2e

And now, for the worst song of last decade, I bring to you none other than........

1. Paris Hilton - Stars Are Blind (2006)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYLon-rki10: What the fuck were they thinking? A socialite who is nothing but a plastic doll with no talent gets the green light to release this UB40 wannabe reggae trash? Aspiring singers and musicians from around the world must have revolted and thrown out their home mixing machines when they found out that Paris got a gig and a single and album release. Where do I start with this disgrace? Is it the overpitched vocals? The clearly ripped off reggae beat? The vacuous and unoriginal lyrics? Or it is simply just her chihuahua looking face on the album cover that makes you wanna hurl? Whatever it is, I encourage you to do the following: ask your worst enemy to borrow some money, go to the nearest music shop and buy this single or album in the bargain bin, go get your beloved dog and take them to a park, and throw that CD like a frisbee and watch your pooch mangle the shit out of it.

Well that was a bonus blog, but next week I will present 20 to 1 on the Top 150 of 2000s list. See you soon :)